Clarity

August 2, 2017

clearness or lucidity as to perception or understanding; freedom from indistinctness or ambiguity; having your mind free from external factors; uninterrupted; seeing past bullshit; closure; an end goal

 

"One thing I've had to work on over the past few years is cleansing the air. It's the outside interference or distractions that you get caught up in that throw you off and set you off track. I've had a few of those distractions that I've felt completely consumed me to the point to where there was no return. I'd think to myself, "Damn, this is it. My life has been laid out for me and that's that." I knew I was unhappy but I had settled. So many distractions deterred me from making choices that were my own that I had lost sight of myself and started living life the way others had planned it for me. I wish I could go into detail of the one scenario I'm referring to, but I'm going to respect my boundaries and leave it at that. You know when you're in too deep. You know when you feel like there's no way out but you're too consumed by what you already know to change anything about it. I remember when it happened though, it was like a switch. Something triggered in my mind where I had to change my surroundings. Everything was so clear for once. "Fuck all this noise around me, I need to cleanse the air and get the fuck out of here." For once, I felt and understood clarity, and it was such a beautiful and refreshing thing. It was like breathe of fresh air or like I was drowning but had finally touched the surface. "Goddamnit, what the fuck have I been doing?" I was in awe of how the world looked. It looked new, with opportunities and new avenues to go down. Of course, I'm not oblivious to that this "new world" didn't have problems of issues that I had to face. But! With this clarity, I saw new hope that I could take on these problems and challenges that I had to face boldly and with strength. Like I said, clarity is like a switch, and it's hard to go from now being on back to being off. For me, I ask myself, "How the fuck did I do this to myself for so long? Was I fucking stupid? It seems so obvious now, how could I have ever thought that way for so long?" Once I gained clarity, I had visions, and started making goals and seeing plans work out in my head. I was excited, and I still am. I hope everyone experiences their clarity one day. It is an awakening, a second chance, and it is when I came into bloom."

 

"A seductive sunset undresses the night before me/As a jealous memory steals me away from the present"

 

"Love it—really—you could be telling my story.

The next step for me, or really what went hand in hand, was courage. You might attain clarity briefly, but if there isn’t courage behind it, things can get fogged up again and you can slip back into the miasma. As you say so eloquently, fuck it and take a chance on yourself—you’ll be amazed at your power.

Love you honey—Mum"

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